to trust

reached out to an old friend for counsel because i couldn’t think of anyone else i could trust with my dilemna. i’d gone back and forth on the idea for over a week because part of me felt like a schmuck for waiting months and months to reach out just generally. he’s a sweetheart of a guy that in another life i would have been interested in developing a relationship with.

personal phone calls and seeking counsel aren’t my typical jams, mainly because it’s a challenge to read tones without visuals, so the thirty minutes we spent on the phone was a big deal. he’s pretty grounded in his faith to god, and after knowing him for nearly six years, i knew he wasn’t just a talking head.

everything aside, i’m also not one for small talk so kinda just went into apologizing for waiting so long to reach out, asking how he was, and then going into what i needed guidance with. he was more open than ever before and gave me the words i needed to hear.

after the call i wondered how it works, how people stay in contact with people that for one reason or another are important to them. i wondered if i’d ever call him again, and then considered that i should, just to see how he is every now and again, but also it seemed silly, cause every now and again doesn’t seem real. like when a family member calls me every ten years to ask how i am and request photos of the kids i laugh cause it’s like they’d been frozen in time, not realizing the kids aren’t infants or toddlers anymore. even more, i’m not the same person they last saw. i’m frozen in another dimension that few can penetrate.

there’s no real conclusion to this post. guess i’m just grateful to know there’s someone who after such a long time was willing to make space to hear my concerns and offer spiritual heart-felt counsel not just now but whenever i should need it, and because the offer was genuine it warms my heart this morning.

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