running away

a decision that in affirmative mode feels correct
as i scan the desk for one note amongst hundreds
the only similarity being the letter e
written artistically on all of them

belly is full with food i didn’t want to eat
hurting just enough to readjust the
emotional pain from 9 to a 1 out of 10

one note says 3 trillion to reflect someone’s advice

one says ‘Line 4’ to remember where the chemicals are stuck

one says ‘the end justifies the means’ which was said to me on a call about why some people are ok with doing what they do however they do it

one says ‘accelerate time together’ said on a call about why we were going to shut down for two weeks

one says, ‘first step – re-empower’ and it reminded me to set up a call with a couple of guys i was asked to connect with to fix the shit-show

one says, ‘global perspective’, ‘accountability’ and ‘3rd party’ but not sure why i put them together on the same note with arrows pointing downward.

one says ‘call allergist’ cause it was suggested on a phone call. next to it i drew kanji that has several meanings, the main one being rest.

one says ‘trademark dispute’ but don’t remember writing it or why

one says, ‘manipulative grifter’ and ‘don’t trust’ next to the names of the people i was told not to trust

one says, ‘lead prayer’ and ‘move needle’ underscored by a succession of waves in ink

one says, ‘help with big picture planning’ and i laughed, stopping to consider the big picture is almost always a ruse.

one says, ‘not worried about dollars’, ‘egregious’, and ‘other ways to frame’

none of these reflect what i’m looking for, and the more i sift through the randomness, the more i’m convinced i’m not looking for anything.

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