confusing

always feels a little odd not to acknowledge him outright
express love, confirm all the things once written then
erased

always feels a little odd to have moved about fine in life
before him, then after him feel as if something is always
missing

always feels a little odd to read between lines and find
me alongside the word never, yet also imbibed with the word
always

stare at my nails and their perfectly manicured pink hues
wondering why i continually cover the natural pink beneath

stare at my legs and the effort to keep them soft and smooth
wondering why i continually wax the covering above

stare at my hair and smile at how here acceptance reigns
wondering why i’ve chosen here to admit who i am

then it feels odd not to acknowledge that I’ve made him
part of my life without his approval

made him my husband without a ceremony

made him my soulmate when we don’t even talk
as friends

an odd bird i am
confusing wings with flight

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