being needed

it’s sunday and i awoke from a dream about giving massages which hasn’t been too far from waking thought. the idea of returning to it and replacing reiki has been noodling in my head. reiki hints at a deeper spiritual meaning i’ve found tends to inhibit some people’s experiences. massage is more straight-forward with its direct manipulation of connective tissue to achieve an oft desired result. i was on my back and staring at the ceiling wondering how silly i was being when one of the cats walked on top of my chest and began kneading me as if i were her mother. she’s never walked on or kneaded me before so i stared at her and wondered if she was giving me the answer or if i was just misreading her temporary (k)need before laughing at myself to realize how that’s often a life theme misinterpretation of mine. when she was done i somehow felt closer to her and considered that if i did go back i’d do it more slowly, intentionally, and with a knowing that each hour needs to be meaningful and ultimately transferrable. wherever you are my friend, i wish you the comfort of loving touch and the warmth of being needed (and wanted).

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