yearning 2.0

driving home from the hair appointment i took a call for a meeting i wouldn’t have time to make it in front of a computer for.

as of late have mixed feelings about who this guy is. he’s taught me a lot, and for a number of reasons i’m pretty sure he’s destined for ‘greater’ things, most notably teaching and being impactful to a larger number of people.

we talk about work for five minutes then head into a discussion about yearning. the word itself brings up so many different emotions from people, though most tend to be related to recapturing something from the past. what does the word yearning bring up for you?

i yearn to live in that delicate space between acceptance and presence, a place often referred to as peace. i yearn to be a better parent and more support to the human family as a whole. i yearn for a close relationship, not many; just one. i yearn for physical touch, though not fleeting.

most days it feels as if the baggage i keep prevents me from fitting in that space. i’m not sure how to go about being a better parent because i don’t have a real baseline for determining how far off the mark i currently am. why ‘more support’? that probably relates back to a question of how i value what support is currently in play and why it wouldn’t be enough. how close is close really and what benefits do i perceive to be shared in such imaginations? how does one express this without it sounding completely carnal? i’m not sure so it’s better to abstain.

so this guy; he has a wife but i don’t think they’re married on paper. met her (and him) in person earlier this year and didn’t understand a lick of her english even though we chatted for miles along a beautiful ocean hike. she had the purest child energy i’ve ever experienced in an adult, and she is the opposite of him because he has the energy of a 200 year old monk that lives in the mountains. honestly i can see why they are together – they should get the cutest couple of the year award.

anyway, he’s talking about yearning from the perspective of using it for good. it’s similar to the idea of converting any negatively conceived emotion into something positive and the concept is older than new age dirt. actually, it might be new age dirt. regardless, it was the words he used that led me to consider yearning as something good, and it made me realize that as much as i talk about how emotions aren’t good or bad, i still have bias in belief deep down. awakening the bias is important for a number of reasons, and for what it was worth, i arrived home feeling at peace with all the things I yearn for.

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