invisible alignment

typically i’m cool under pressure but no matter how cool anyone is some form of body language gives them away. for me it was my hands. i was beginning to rethink having my kids with me because in the moment my strong mask fell it scared them. you’d have thought i was having a heart attack in the middle of the crowd the way they reacted. in truth i was somewhere between fainting and having a panic attack but all that gave me away were those damns hands unable to hold a phone and dial a number. dense crowds scare the living shit out of me but they don’t know that.

after feeling guilty for them seeing it, i only ten minutes later felt grateful because it stimulated me to calm down. no one has their children with them except me.

if someone were to ask why i’d tell them there were several reasons, the most important being that all i can give them is love, unwanted advice, and experiences to have as memories, and that between them all i aim to infuse them with a concoction of love’s pureness to last lifetimes after me, a concoction that breeds a blooming of generational love, the kind of love for humanity that one life can only dream to express.

i’m humbled and awed at the love that held me up through the years. love that never failed to grow me in strength, hope, and belief that better worlds do not have to be limited to mind. i will never be perfect and polished, but if aiming for excellence, patience and manifestation will be formed in the sacrifice. every day will not be filled with humility and gratitude but every day can be filled with the knowing that the key to everything is not giving up.

may today you know my aim persists too in loving you.

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