the smell

at one point during dinner the wife had daggers in her eyes whilst staring at me. only briefly did i see them in a glance before looking away. i feel tender toward her husband based on prior exchanges but am not intimately attracted to him. he on the other hand decided to change seats away from her to come sit next to me and talk while appetizers were served. the only reason i’d glanced at her is because he left her sitting alone. suddenly he felt awkward and the way he looked at me felt uncomfortable. this was a first and i wasn’t sure how to respond to the ‘situation’. wanting to see what was on his mind he began asking about my kids. okay. next question was about home, when and what it looked like after this grand finale. hmmm. red flag is up but not quite waving. i’m wondering where the people are that were seated next to me only five minutes before. i was told our assigned seats were intentional and it made complete sense who they sat me next to. a group of lovely women who’d left their husbands and children at home for this experience. i don’t know if that’s why but it was interesting to see the perspectives behind their decisions. he was still talking and i found it hard to look at him because for one millisecond gleaned lust in his eyes and felt nauseous. red flag was waving. i interrupted and excused myself to the toilet where i stayed put for the next ten minutes sure that him sitting alone and his wife sitting alone would make him realize he should go back to his assigned seat. next to her. headed back I saw that’s exactly what he did and was grateful the ladies had returned. from then until leaving i didn’t look at either of them again yet struggled with a misplaced sense of guilt. if they did make it, they were going to tear each other’s souls to shreds before death. that’s how i felt. that’s how i feel. but it’s their journey so after this i won’t write about them anymore.

lust has a pungent odor that turns the stomach when not mixed with love.

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