baby me

decided i didn’t wanna sing anymore. don’t know if it’s a temporary or a permanent thing. don’t know what changed. don’t think it matters. just observing.

there were a few weeks, maybe a month when for a while i didn’t wanna write anymore. figured it was pretty permanent seeing as how something about it always led me to feeling awful sad about the state of things if not for others then for myself.

pushed through those feelings remembering the reasons i was wanting to keep the conversation going. get scared of my own silence sometimes but writing’s just one way to negotiate with the demons, let ’em know they ain’t got the upper hand.

we all got needs. most times despise mine. don’t seem right entering the world and needing things right outta the womb just like a beggar.

hold me. accept me. love me.

ain’t like you can poke your head out, look around and say, “hell no, send me back”. you come in hot. hot and powerless. like a slug wiggling around to escape raindrops filled with salt. that’s the instinct they decided to name tears.

it’s our own salt that hurts the most.

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