the man i love

the time away proved i can change but would need (or want) lots of support to get past the discomfort and make it stick. it reminded me of a past when i had full control over what was wanted versus needed but also one in where what was needed hadn’t been completely identified.

what does support look like? think it’s someone in your life who supports the journey to self-improvement but is also real honest about when and if your efforts at self-improvement involves a stage. it’s not someone you look to for qualification on whether you look good in a dress or swimsuit, but someone you look to for feedback on their experience of your heart.

is it necessary though?

once upon a time i thought it was. even now i am missing someone, missing them cause we have a heart sync, a built in spiritual support system, the beauty of thought challenge, and an amazing physical chemistry. that’s all love and i guess it is necessary.

but if it’s absent you don’t die except a little bit inside and most times that don’t really count.

maybe I should use grammarly to figure out the tone of this one but I’m too lazy to cut and paste. i don’t cut and paste anymore. hard to believe but true. when you know you stop looking for different algorithms to explain the yearning and all that comes along with it. you settle into that old rocking chair in the corner on sunday nights, turn on the record player, listen to ella and nurse a glass of wine until your heart feels bandaged enough for the days ahead.

you don’t blame no one on the yearning anymore than you blame the manufacturer of the rocking chair. you just kinda say a prayer of thanks for everyone who had a part in the ups and downs. even ella.

Perceived Tone: Jumbled. Incomplete. Sad. Restless. Accepting. Peaceful. Song.

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