tee etch see

can’t imagine one little gummy can hit so hard, at least until transfixed by cat climbing through air.

cleaning out my drawers and came across a bag of the candy from over two years ago. they were hard and surely had zero potency. so i had one and then proceeded to slowly find disinterest in what i’d been focused on all day.

lots and lots of cleaning. come monday this place will look newly lived in. a we’re finally leaving vibe is kicking in.

wish i was more solid, that my emotions were more predictable, less up and down, less confusing. wish my faith never wavered but know it needs work. everything on and in me needs work. think we’re all old fixer uppers fucking around in mental garages and spending a lifetime tinkering tinkering tinkering.

wish what i knew could override the hurt from all the things that happened this week. get scared i’ll show up to the pearly gates and no one will be there cause they followed harriet tubman while i stayed behind talking to birds and waiting on my spiritual husband to fly down from the heavens i imagine him joyful in from century to century, bc to ad, and pre and post the golden arches.. i don’t know what part of my spirit feels need to be here. so many things i’m done with but he don’t ever leave. that man is surely in the garage with me.

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