the greater effort

me: making money is the easy part.
him: when did you make that discovery?
me: when i stopped checking my bank account every few hours.
him: what does that mean?
me: i’ve reverted to a place known at a time when married. it didn’t last long.
him: can you describe that place?
me: i’m not worried or scared. have greater faith i’ll receive whatever is needed to care for my family.
the words aren’t just a ‘speech’ anymore. have greater faith in my talents and skills. there’s no
question in my mind that i can rebound from anything.
him: why didn’t that place last long before?
me: good question. maybe ‘long’ is the wrong descriptor cause truth is things last about as long as we
need them to. in my mind there was food on the table, a roof over everyone’s heads, clothing on
their backs, school supplies in lockers, and gas in tanks. didn’t care about much outside of that.
him: what changed?
me: one day i needed gas and my debit card didn’t work. i checked my bank account and credit cards.
there was little cash and no credit. it takes a real long time to get to a place like that so it tells you
how deeply i’d neglected keeping an eye on finances, and as you know, that’s the irony of the
century. it needed to happen just that way so i could take action and do all the things i’d ignored
or put off for another day and divorce was at the top.
him: hmmm. so why is making money the easy part?
me: cause figuring out what and who you want to feed is ever changing, and even now i still get it
wrong sometimes. i pray for leniency with all the mistakes made and for wisdom to make better
choices.
him: isn’t it your family and you that gets fed? why is that ever changing?
me: i’m not talking about steak and eggs. i’m talking about time and heart. deciding how much money
you need for the grocery store is manageable but deciding how much time you’re going to leave
for your heart to earn and spend means making money can’t be the number one goal, and
if it comes easy, you gotta be careful not to be swayed by all the things the world tells us money
can do for us. it can do a lot, but for the things that really count, it can’t do shit.

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