honeymoon face

what else can it be?

he’s not the same guy i met a month ago. flittering through the mandala of faces and personalities splayed across memory and none come close to resembling this guy’s ‘switch’. the closest stranger he reminds me of is one of mom’s money men. there was one guy in particular who was mostly mean to mom and always sweet with me. he always called her a nigger which i never reconciled cause he was black and always called me sweet girl. he always punched her and gave her black eyes but in the same visit he’d bring me hershey’s kisses. i was so fucking confused cause i wanted to kill him and thank him at the same time. most of the money men never actually gave me anything and because he did i thought myself finally special to someone. chocolate kind of had me fucked up for a while. he also reminds me of the money men with drugs, the ones who would meet us in the car all twitchy before mom told me to get out and play in the streets. i’d come back a few hours later and the guy would be laid out and gazing at the roof of the car as my mom screamed at me to get in the backseat before digging through his pockets and kicking him out of the driver side before driving away.

this guy i can’t figure out. only know he’s a triple dickhead if there’s such a thing. he just got married, came back from honeymoon and of course i’m visualizing all the sex he must have had to come back with such a different personality. makes me wonder if sex changes people and makes ’em happy, or if it’s love, or if he’s just high like the money man. wish i didn’t have to stay along as a witness to how he unfolds but i do. i’m left wondering what a triple dickhead can transform into. guess i’ll report back when it’s revealed. in the meantime, there’s a beautiful southern lady with a sense of true charm just a waiting to jump outta my skin.

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