the amount of pressure i put on myself by all accounts makes no sense. that’s a secret society sentence if ever one was written cause when the juggling gets painful it makes me wonder who i’m entertaining and why. was driving today and wondering what it would feel like to have one job. just one. oh the ass i could kick with one job. wondered when it was i came up with the idea one wasn’t enough. i’d like to believe it’s all too much for one person but holding a belief like that doesn’t change anything. the idea of dying in this state is depressing as hell. not sure if i’m not working hard enough or too hard but it seems too early in the workweek to feel burned out. but here we are. everyone giving me kudos, sending me heart emojis and telling me we’re almost there but they don’t know me and what the fuck good is a kudos, a heart emoji, or a pat on the ass on the way to the finish line anyway when your race has been consumed by theirs?