ach(e)

emotions all over the place today. holding them in but they’re everywhere nonetheless. the sense of devastation is usually the most challenging. it feels like i’m standing in a roadway alone watching everyone i love get pummeled by cars going 200 mph before reaching out in vain with nothing to catch or hold onto. it feels like traumatic immediate loss and is compounded by need to carry it in the lower belly until the breath slows near to stopping as outwardly to others it registers as nothing more than a small blip from someone that for just a second forgot to inhale. it intensifies in waves like contractions at birth and won’t leave until i make space to cry. of all emotions this is the least favorite.

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