pococurante

recording everything remains to be known as curse or weapon. there was a vendetta to settle. it was 99% psychological and i didn’t know how my mind would deal with the remaining 1%.

as i write this i can hear my neighbors baby crying and it reminds me of grocery shopping with my babies when they were still breastfeeding. at some point i stopped shopping until they got older because hearing other crying babies created let down in the most inopportune times and because i was generating gallons of milk per hour, this meant wet t-shirt contest of one in the diaper aisle.

it happens to lots of moms and as i listen to this child wailing i feel anxiety wanting to know what’s wrong and how to help. it’s all metaphor for work preference. i prefer to be in a storage room putting puzzle pieces together than to be giving a speech on the merits of the puzzle creator, especially since no one person can possibly be responsible for an entire puzzle. giving such a speech does things that create leakage in the body, leakage that reveals the 1%.

the vendetta has been settled. i did nothing but be myself and they did nothing but be themselves. in this case only one of us used that space in time for lying. don’t feel good or bad about it, just temporarily satisfied. to ask someone to pour energy into what the spoken heart knows is a fruitless endeavor is to speak indifference. so the vendetta attends to the liar and the one who asked the lie be overlooked.

i don’t know how it is i don’t get fired more often.

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