why oh me

not a question but a place.

they’re including me in everything scares me more than i can afford to show or admit. i’m used to being on the outside of the guest list and have consistently approached the discomfort of showing up as expected.

smiling, sociable, humorous, any and everything but serious. i’m not nearly so dark in person and usually end up being the person holding the other person’s secrets.

if someone would have told me that every person i work with will want me to jump on a plane and meet them somewhere else in the world just to get together i would have laughed myself to tears. i wonder if i wished it, if some unsaid part of me manifested these invites so i could learn more about inclusion.

not sure but it causes great anxiety and fear. anxiety because it’s always uncomfortable and fear because well, it’s just a matter of time before I’ll be treated like a stranger again. it’s aways been just a matter of time.

however, i’m open to the idea that always can be a fallacy.

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