she doesn’t really care

five messages in three days. that’s how many it took before it dawned on me they were automated. at first i thought she was genuinely interested in my future.

i spent money for two years before realizing i might be probably throwing it away. sure, i’m closer to the degree. one year away to be exact, but what would i really do with it at my age? at this point it’s probably just an ego stroke cause there will remain a hundred things i’ll want to do and probably try that have nothing to do with the degree.

take firefighting for example. i think being a reserve firefighter would be cool except i don’t want to fight fires cause they’re hot and i’m not a fan of heat unless it were a snow fire. maybe i could handle a snow fire or a hurricane fire or maybe even a tornado fire, but a regular fire fire would be a problem. i’m more interested in the emt side and there’s still time to make that happen. not now of course but generally for sure. i could even build a new fire department in the forest, the one i’m planning to live in before i die. and for god sake don’t let anyone convince me nasa isn’t working behind the scenes to find me the perfect position.

anyway, i forgot her name but in summary her messages said there was still time to sign up for the next round of classes. haven’t actually talked to her since august last year, when i explained i was doing too much and that school would need to drop off my radar for a while and possibly forever. not sure if it solidifies my position as dropout but even if it doesn’t, my position doesn’t matter so much as my outlook. and i’m not talking about email.

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